Can I get a minute, please?

I'm at a point right now that I absolutely crave time alone.

It seems every minute of every day I am surrounded - by bodies, by noise, by other demands - it almost feels claustrophobic. I'm thinking that I may have such a hard time because I grew up by myself. It wasn't loud in my house and I had space as an only child. I remember going outside to sit with the dogs if I was lonely and except for a few licks, they were content to just sit with me. That was enough.

I love my kids but at times, they feel like literal walls closing in. There isn't a time or a day where I can leave them without feeling that guilt that I really should be with them not away. Even if they are with Lad - inevitably, they are MY responsibility. I'm always asked when I'll be back before I even leave. Which makes me feel that I can't enjoy any time alone because I will always have to hurry back. But really, even if someone gave me the whole day or even a few hours to do what I want - I can never get away from that feeling of "responsibility".

And don't kids have a tendency to need quite a bit? By this I mean, from the time they wake up they have needs. Everyday - from the moment I trudge out of bed in the morning - the first thing I hear is "Good Morning Mommy. I want cereal!" Good morning to you Brennen, can I pee first?? Then, it's getting Austen dressed, prodding Dallen to do the same - and brushing teeth and breakfast. By the time they get out the door, we've gone through multiple whines and adamant demands and it's not yet 8:00 in the morning.

Just doing the basics - cleaning, cooking, helping with homework - is enough to make me drown. I always watch these shows with these seemingly perfect moms who do art projects or have all their kids around them sitting nicely and quietly while reading a book. I can barely keep my head above water and you want me to do what???!! Yes, it would be great if I can look at an art project as something wonderful but all I see is one more thing to clean. And wouldn't it be great if I could have all my children sitting around me quietly listening to the story. Never happens! When we attempt to read a book - there is always a fight about which book to read, where everyone will sit, everyone talking at once, etc. Our family is never that perfect picture. But does it really exist?

I think the one thing that wears me down the most is the grumbling and whining. I can never say, "Dallen, can you take out the rubbish" without hearing a grunt and groan. If I tell Austen "No", then he starts his whining. Brennen will ask the same thing over and over again even if I answered him the first time. I guess he didn't like the answer. Maybe the fifteenth times the charm? And Chyler, although she's very sweet and easy, she's mobile now and has discovered the DVD shelf and the kitty litter. And speaking of the kitty - she is always underfoot meowing for food. Everyday I ask my kids to give me 5 minutes by myself so I can actually focus my thoughts and collect myself. To date, I've never gotten a full 5 minutes - usually it's interrupted by a tattle-taler or a cry. I'm worn out without means to recuperate.

But, I do enjoy my kiddos - they are hilarious and fun a lot of the time. It's just exhausting because it's always 4 to 1. And while one to one would be ideal and I think I'd be good at that - it's not in my realm of reality. Every one of them needs something at the same time so I'm always outnumbered!

One day, hopefully soon, things will settle and they won't be so "needy". Some say it gets better, some tell me it gets worse. Let's be optimistic, shall we?

Brotherly love??

We Love Chyler! from Mari Panis on Vimeo.

Party of 8

We already have a big family with big responsibilities. So, when our kids (Dallen) started asking for pets...we put it off for as long as possible. We even took the kids to see the stray cats that live in the Aiea Loop Trail park at least once a week for their fix. But, it was time and we added some new members to our family.

In July, we were given a big, beautiful bunny named Cream from the Kurihara's. Dallen asked and asked and asked for a rabbit ever since he went over to their house to play with their bunnies. By chance, Airi and I were talking about how her kids wanted another litter but they needed to find homes for their current bunny babies first. So, add Cream to our family. She's a terrific eater and is very gentle. Her fur reminds me of Cookies and Cream ice cream. I put her in a harness and let her hop around the yard at least once a day (I try!). She is very soft and very cute, we think. Lad is STILL not a bunny man. But, the boys enjoy feeding her veggie goodies and Dallen's been very good about cleaning her cage. It's nice to have her right by our back door - she is always there to greet us when we come home.

Fast forward to yesterday, October 18. We had soccer in the morning then went to eat at Shiro's. In Panis tradition, we go the pet store next door to give the kids their "fix". Before I knew what was happening, Lad was asking if the kids wanted the white kitty. I was floored. Never did I think Lad would #1 BUY a cat as he feels that cats should be free to good homes and #2 would he do something so spontaneous like that. Wonders never cease. So, now to add to our family - Sugar - a very skinny, 8 week old kitten who is white with blue eyes. What struck both of us at the pet store was that she came up to the boys even when they bumped her cage and made lots of noise...she wasn't afraid of them. Now that we brought her home, she has proven to be a very good kitty - she pees and poops in the litter box, she tolerates all kinds of handling, petting, and noise. She does need her "space" at times - hiding under the bed or behind the sofa - but always comes out for more almost immediately. They all adore her - even Chyler squeals with delight when she sees her.

What's great about this now is that our family of 8 is now equal - 4 boys and 4 girls!

SoCal Vacation

Our family took advantage of the fall school break and headed to Southern California! We had your typical "theme park" vacation and here's a bit of what we did...

We headed out on Thursday night, October 2nd - the boys were VERY excited. While checking in at Delta we saw the Kurihara's who were heading to Florida. It was funny because our bags looked like we were moving to California and the Kurihara's looked like they were going on a day trip - they had no bags! I'll have to get trained on how to pack from Airi. Lad just couldn't believe it - he kept saying over and over, "where are their bags?" "Now that's traveling light!" Then to me, "you should ask Airi how she does it." Yes, I realize that I'm a heavy packer but I hate the thought of being without something especially with the baby.

Anyway, our flight was great - the kids slept most of the way. But, Delta had this wonderful contraption on the back of every seat - a little entertainment console with TV, movies, and games. Our kids were enthralled and stayed up WAY longer than they should have - but what a wonderful thing. Plus, if you fly over the Pacific Ocean, the whole thing is free. I watched Indiana Jones 4 which was, unfortunately, really disappointing.

Side note: When I did the picture collages, they were nice and clear. When I uploaded to Blogger, all of a sudden the text is all blurry. I don't want to re-do all the pictures so I'm going to decipher the unreadable text to you in red so look for it!

(Austen playing games on the entertainment console...so glad it was free!)

Originally, we wanted to go visit Lad's sister in Las Vegas over the weekend. But they had a birthday party to attend and it wouldn't have been a good time so instead we headed south to San Diego.

We checked into our hotel for a quick nap before heading to the park. Chyler absolutely loves mirrors and was delighted to see a full length mirror on the bathroom door which she immediately crawled to and began looking at her lovely self. (Left: Mindless TV watching & catching up on some exercise. Right: Hey you...would you look at me?! Gosh, I'm cute!)

We spent 2 days at Sea World. It was really fun and everyone enjoyed looking at the animals. Dallen loved the Journey to Atlantis water ride. They have a Sesame Street themed area for kids with a huge climbing apparatus, bouncer/trampolines, sand pits, games, and rides. Brennen got to meet Elmo and Zoe - although he's kind of shy and bashful, he still went up to the bigger-than-life-sized characters and gave them hugs...although in the picture he looks like he's not having fun...he really loved seeing them. They also had free trick-o-treating which the boys just loved!

Then, on Saturday we headed up to Anaheim. We stopped by at the San Diego Temple to show the boys. Only Dallen was up but it is a beautiful temple nonetheless...maybe next time they'll actually see it. We checked into our timeshare resort for the week. It was like a 2 bedroom condo - very homey and comfy but nothing to write home about. Sunday remained a day of rest (by choice and need).

Monday we headed down to Carlsbad to go to Legoland. This is a really fun park and they have really expanded it since the last time we were here when Dallen was about 3 years old. We could have used another day since we only got through half the park but we'll definitely be back. Austen was in heaven from the minute we came through the gates - as he saw Thomas the Train made completely of Legos. Then, a few feet away was Bob the Builder. Wow! They have a huge water play area which is where our journey in Legoland ended because once my boys see water, they see nothing else.

Tuesday, we took a day off and drove up to Universal City Walk which is where Universal Studios is although we didn't go into the park. I think it's more for older kids especially now with Halloween going on. They have Halloween activities which are supposed to feature Jason, Freddy and Leatherface. Not for my kids! But, my boys enjoyed going to a HUGE candy shop and getting their own gumballs. They also enjoyed the Universal Studios spinning & misting globe...as you can see. Austen and Dallen were brave enough to take a photo with this life-size monster man. I love how they are leaning into him like he's Mickey Mouse or something. Nevermind that he has a nasty face and rags hanging off him! Oh, and we parked in the Curious George parking lot and had to take a picture because we really think Austen looks a lot like George.

We spent Wednesday at Knott's Berry Farm. This is one of our favorite parks because it has a lot of big-time roller coasters but also a large area for kids called Camp Snoopy. Plus, it seems no one really comes here so there are absolutely no lines. Dallen and I rode roller coasters to our heart's content, over and over again without getting off. It was really fun! May I recommend not riding the Ghostrider 3 times in a row. Even Chyler got to ride the "big rig" truck ride with her Daddy and brothers. If you could only see Lad's face while on the ride.

Thursday and Friday were our Disney days. Disney was a bit disappointing this time around because of the crowd. We've come a couple of times before on this fall break and there weren't a lot of people there so it was perfect - good, cool weather and no lines. However, we have found out that now some schools in California, Washington and Arizona are also on break at this time of year so it seems that October is no longer not so crowded.

On Thursday, we spent most of our day at Disney's California Adventure. We did our rounds at the Bug's Land then onto the Pier. We love Disney but have been so many times before there's nothing really new to report. So, here are some pictures to share. Of note, upper left corner - Lad is pretending to smile really big because I just gave him a lecture about the need to get off the phone with the office and focus on the kids.

Thursday night and Friday - all day - we spent at Disneyland. Austen loved riding the train around the park. They had a lot of Halloween decor all around. I took a picture of the picture of Dallen and I on Space Mountain. Note to others going to Disney (or any other theme park) - a lot of people are doing this - make sure you take a digital camera with you on the ride's with photos and just take a picture of the screen instead of buying the picture. You can save money that way but still have a memory of your mouth mid-scream, right? I think the highlight of Friday was about 11:30pm - the Buzz Lightyear ride. No lines so we rode about 4 times before the park closed. Brennen absolutely loved this ride as did his brothers. Bottom left picture - my sons really love mist.

I felt bad for Chyler because her trip consisted mostly of sitting in the stroller. She is such a good baby and a great traveller though, she didn't fuss much at all. She seems to really love sitting in her stroller and looking around. She was very patient while her brothers had all the fun. In many instances, Brennen was also very patient as he couldn't ride a lot of rides Austen and Dallen could - but he didn't mind sitting next to Chyler and I. He was a trooper too. I kept telling Dallen that he should be really grateful to Brennen and Chyler because if they weren't so "understanding", we couldn't do half of what we did. He's 7 so he still thought that he was missing out on a lot.

All in all, the trip was good. Although we had a 3 hour flight delay coming back, the kids did well on the plane once again. I got to watch the Incredible Hulk - much better than the Indy movie. And guess who we saw at baggage claim? Yup, the Kurihara's again!

Thank you to Dad for coming by to check on the house and taking care of the bunny while we were gone. Thanks to Mom for the delicious soup when we got back - so I didn't have to cook. Plus, we were famished!

Now, I really need a vacation!!